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Self-Esteem

Definition: Self-esteem is our estimation of our worth. It is our self estimate. It involves such questions as:

• Do I like myself?
• Am I a good human being?
• Am I someone deserving love?
• Do I deserve happiness?

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Self-Esteem Questionnaire

1/ I compare myself unfavourably to others.

2/ I have difficulties with self care, i.e. not enough sleep, poor nutrition, smoking, etc.

3/ I frequently criticize myself.

4/ I am a perfectionist.

5/ I often criticize my appearance.

6/ I feel that others don’t like me.

7/ When I get up in the morning I don’t look forward to the day ahead.

8/ I often wish I was somebody else.

9/ I am easily hurt by others.

10/ I never feel that I am good enough.

If you answered YES to 5 or more of these statements, you may have a problem with self-esteem.

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Problems With Self-Esteem Contribute To:

1/ Addictions
2/ Depression
3/ Relationship Problems
4/ Stress
5/ Perfectionism
6/ Anxiety
7/ Anger-Management Problems
8/ Health Problems – Lack of self care
9/ Procrastination
10/ Career Problems

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Most Self-Esteem Problems Begin in Childhood

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The Childhood Origins of Low Self-Esteem

• Receiving criticism and harsh judgement.
• Emotional neglect
• Physical, emotional or sexual abuse
• Family breakdown
• Addiction within the family
• Loss of a parent
• Failures in achievement, academics, sports
• Being bullied
• Mental illness within the family
• Trauma

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How I Help People Improve Their Self-Esteem

In order to help people improve their self-esteem I help them understand why they have difficulties in this area.  I also give them resources to improve their self-esteem.  I divide the therapy into 3 parts.

1/ Understanding the Origins of their low self-esteem - Because self-esteem originates in childhood I help the person to understand how their childhood contributed to their self-esteem difficulties.

2/ Building Self-Awareness/Mindfulness – Self-esteem is connected to our feelings about ourselves and others. In order to begin the process of building self-esteem it is necessary to be able to listen to, and understand our feelings.

3/ Developing Resources – I help a person to find resources that can build up their self-esteem. This can include such things as improving self-care, developing positive relationships and learning new ways of relating to the self.

Self-esteem consists of attitudes and behaviours, originating from childhood, that make up how a person feels about his or her self. In my years of helping people I have seen that people can form new understandings and behaviours that lead them to look at themselves in a much more positive manner.  

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