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~individual therapy and counselling |
348 Danforth Ave., Suite 215 Toronto, Ontario (Carrot Common, Broadview/Danforth area)
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Mental Health Tips from Michael Greene, MA, Toronto Counsellor and Psychotherapist 2007 |
Table of Contents Dec 17/07 – The Fear of ‘Going Crazy' Nov. 12, 07 – How to Choose a Therapist Oct. 17/07 – Take Responsibility For Your Life Sept. 22/07 – Negative ‘Self-Talk’ Sept. 15/07 – Journal Keeping – An Excellent Mental Health Resource Aug. 6/07 – Stopping the Addiction is Just One Step in the Healing Process
July 30/07 – Understanding the ‘Inner Child'
July 13/07 - The Tyranny of Happiness
June 14/07 - Take Charge of Your Mental Health
May 29/07 - Marriage Requires Work
May 17/07 - Find Meaning in Your Life
May 8/07 - Increase Your Inner Resources – Use All of ‘Yourselves’
April 26/07- Stress Management and Meditation
April 20/07 Dealing With Addictions by Dealing With Feelings
April 12/07 – Self Care Contributes to Good Mental Health |
Dec 17/07 – The Fear of ‘Going Crazy’
Many people have come into my office saying, “I feel like I’m going crazy.” They are understandably feeling very worried, usually because they are in the grip of strong feelings that make them doubt their sanity.
If you find yourself in such a situation it is important to remember things that could help you and not only emerge from this, but also come out as a stronger person.
The first thing to remember is that when a person feels very strong feelings, especially ones that they rarely feel, their sense of who they are is in question. They feel like they are someone who they can no longer recognize, and this is what is making them feel insane. For example, the man who came to me with great depression and anxiety felt like he was ‘losing his mind’ because he was crying all the time, something he never did. He was terrified because he could no longer believe he was himself.
Another important thing to remember is that such strong feelings usually are related to emotional states such as depression, anxiety and stress. Often when I examine these states with clients, we realize that the feelings became particularly intense because they had not been addressed. Moderate depression had grown into severe depression or reasonable anxiety had escalated into extreme anxiety and panic attacks.
Therefore the place to begin when you ‘feel crazy’ is to look at the emotional states which preceded this feeling. Understand where they originated and how they grew over time. Also learn how you can help yourself deal with them as they come up, rather than letting them slide.
In addition, many of these states can begin with incidents in your life. Often these can be losses such as the ending of a relationship, the death of a close person or the loss of a job. Extreme emotional states can also originate from long-standing issues of childhood abuse or neglect which have not been addressed. Also it is quite common for people who have been involved in accidents (even as witnesses), disasters, war or other such traumas to have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. PTSD can evoke severe feelings of stress, depression and anxiety. It can also lead into addictions.
Again, learning to cope with these extreme feelings can make you stronger. In my experience as a Toronto therapist I have heard many people say that they realized that their crisis became an opportunity. For you no longer have to run away from yourself. You can develop emotional resources, resiliency, self-understanding and a greater depth from being able to confront what you were previously afraid of. |
Nov. 12, 07 – How to Choose a Therapist
Choosing a therapist can be a difficult task. People suffering from a variety of mental health problems such as stress, anxiety, depression, addictions, self-esteem issues or childhood abuse often require the assistance of a therapist. In many cases they feel overwhelmed by their feelings and this can make the task of choosing a therapist that much harder.
Nevertheless, people who seeking a therapist can take steps that will empower them to make the best choice possible. In order to help you do this I have listed some points that you can think of if you are trying to make the right choice.
1/ Be Proactive/Take the Position of an Assertive Consumer
This is the most important point. Many people take the position of a passive patient who has no power to make any decision concerned with their therapy. This can be compounded by problems such as self-esteem difficulties or depression, which can make people feel even more passive.
Therefore, in order to proceed with choosing the proper therapist, a person needs to feel in charge. It is your therapy and it is important to feel that you are an active participant in it.
2/ Interview a Number of Therapists
It is a good idea to interview a number of therapists before you make a choice. Let the therapist know you are doing this in order to be up front and to also assess their reaction. If they have a problem with this, then you can automatically eliminate that therapist as they do not like their power questioned.
Also, since interviewing therapists can be costly, ask the therapist if she or he is open to either waiving the fee or having a reduced fee for the first interview.
3/ Make Sure You Feel Comfortable With the Therapist
Meeting a therapist is like meeting anyone else. When you meet a therapist see how you feel with that person. The therapy relationship can be a very close one and it is important that you feel relaxed and trusting with that person. This can be especially important for people who have been hurt by others, as in childhood abuse or in the case of children of alcoholics.
4/ Warning Signs Regarding Therapists
5/ Question the Therapist
As an active participant it is important to question the therapist not only during the first interview session, but also throughout therapy. Remember this is your therapy and it is always a cooperative venture.
Your questions in the interview can consist of asking the therapist about his or her training in the specific areas that apply to your particular problem. Therefore, if you have an addiction, or you are dealing with stress management you would want to know the experience and training of that therapist in these areas.
In addition to what information the therapist is giving you, it is important to notice how the therapist is answering. If the therapist is reluctant to answer or gives brief answers, this may be a sign that the therapist does not want to be challenged. If that is the case, then it is a sign that this therapist may not be the right person.
6/ Is The Therapist Warm and Caring
The intelligence and experience of a therapist are important factors to consider in choosing a therapist. Nevertheless, it is also very important that the therapist is a person who has a good heart and can show warmth and caring. For people suffering from childhood abuse or anyone with anxiety or depression problems, this is absolutely essential. You need to know that the person sitting across from you really sees you and cares about you.
7/ Is The Therapist Actively Engaged And Showing Their Humanity
I have heard many clients speak of unsatisfying experiences in therapy with the statement, “I just spoke and the therapist just listened.” In such cases the person felt a sense of disconnection with the therapist. They needed someone to give them feedback and react to them in a more human fashion.
In addition, clients wanted the therapist to show their feelings, to be with them as a real person. This can help the clients feel more open and relaxed, knowing that there is a human connection between them and the therapist.
8/ Will the Therapist Explain What They Do And Why They Do It.
Whether or not the client is questioning the therapist in certain phases of therapy, it is important that the therapist talks to the client about why she or he is doing a certain thing with them. For example, the therapist may be asking someone with an addiction problem about their early family life. In this instance the therapist should explain that addictions often result from unresolved childhood experiences.
Again, if you have any questions or difficulties with a therapist at any time during your therapy it is important to talk about these or therapy can feel unclear. It is through the joint work and motivation of both you and the therapist that problems can be resolved. |
Oct. 17/07 – Take Responsibility For Your Life
A key factor in mental health is taking responsibility for your life. This idea of taking responsibility is often difficult for people to fully understand. However, in my experience as a Toronto therapist, I have seen that people who realize that much of what happens in their lives is their responsibility have better outcomes in therapy.
The simplest explanation of responsibility might be stated in words like, “It is up to me to change my life. I can get help from others, but the ultimate power to change resides in me”. Unfortunately, many people are not able to change their life because they do not feel responsible for their life. There are a number of reasons for them being unable to feel responsible. Some of these are:
1/ They blame other people for their problems.
I see this very clearly when I do marriage counselling. Often, each member of the couple will point to the other as the problem, frequently urging me to help “smarten them up”. I also see it with some people who have anger management problems. Frequently they will use words like, “other people make me so mad”. Similarly, people with addictions will say that other people ‘make them use’.
2/ They feel like helpless victims
I often hear this from people who feel unable to deal with problems in their life. As a result they can suffer from stress, anxiety, depression or addiction. Their efforts at changing their lives frequently fail because their sense of helplessness will sabotage whatever they attempt.
I explain to clients that, at one point in their lives, they were helpless victims, perhaps with childhood abuse. Certainly it is important that we examine this victimization in depth. At the same time we need to activate another part of them, an adult part, that can feel more empowered and overcome this feeling of being a victim.
3/ They are given labels or label themselves.
I often hear people tell me how they were labeled in their family of origin. For example, one fellow told me how, from a very early age, his family called him ‘the strong slow one’. It is not surprising that this man, who was very intelligent, had no confidence in his intelligence and did poorly in school. This became a label that eroded his self-esteem.
I also hear many people who have given themselves different labels that have played a big part in determining how they do in various aspects of their lives. Often this begins with one bad experience which has caused them to label themselves in accord with that experience. For example, a woman in her first relationship was hurt badly by the boy she went out with. From that time on she called herself a ‘big loser’ in the dating department.
I see another form of labeling that takes place in the field of mental health. Conditions such as depression or anxiety can be given medical labels which stick to people and make them believe that they can do nothing about these conditions. I often hear people say that they ‘have depression’ as though it is a fixed state which they can do nothing about.
I am also wary of the term ‘chemical imbalance’ that is also used for conditions such as depression, anxiety, addictions or obsessions. While there can be a chemical imbalance involved, the fixed label can often make people feel that they can do nothing about this ‘chemical imbalance’.
Similarly, genetics can be used to take away responsibility. I have heard many people with addiction or depression say to me that there is nothing they can do about this, as it is something that most people in their family ‘just have’.
It is true that there are many factors inside and outside of you that can make you feel that you have no power to create change in your life. However, it is important to see that your beliefs, your actions, your motivation and your willingness to ultimately take responsibility, can enable you to take back the power and change the direction of your life. |
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Learning to use specific breathing techniques can be a very simple and effective stress management tool. Our breath is a continual basic function that regulates all our bodily systems. In this regulatory capacity, breathing can affect our physical and emotional states. Stress, depression and anxiety are linked to irregular and strained breathing, while states of calm, well being and self confidence are linked to easy relaxed breathing.
In my work as a Toronto therapist I frequently advise clients who are overwhelmed with stress to practice yogic breathing. These breathing techniques, developed over thousands of years, often help them relieve their stress. In addition, since stress can be a key factor in depression, anxiety and addiction, I also urge people with these problems to practice yogic breathing.
There are many yogic breathing techniques and I tell people to do whatever suits them. These techniques can be learned through reading or a simple internet search. However, one that a number of people report is particularly effective uses a method of counting to regulate the breathing. I give them this brief description:
Basically, what you are doing in yogic breathing is slowing your whole system down, using your breath to calm and center your body and mind. This is a very simple stress management technique that can be done at most times, in many places and is one that does not require any special resources. |
Sept. 22/07 – Negative ‘Self-Talk’
In my experience working as a Toronto therapist, I have observed that a large proportion of the people who seek help from me for problems ranging from anxiety, depression, addictions to relationship problems, often have one thing in common – they constantly criticize themselves. They often report hearing themselves inside, saying critical and judgemental comments about themselves. I consider this negative self-talk to be a main contributing factor in creating emotional problems.
For example, people suffering from depression report that they feel depressed after attacking themselves. Their negative self-talk rarely lets up. The same holds true for people with anxiety disorders – they frequently report their inner voice pushing them or creating fear within them. As well, many people suffering from addictions often experience a perfectionist voice that gives them little peace.
What is an effective way to deal with negative self-talk? To begin, I recommend that a person begin by becoming conscious of the inner voice. Listen to it. Feel it. Become aware of what it does, when it does it, and how it feels. I say to people, “Get closer to it” so you can understand it better. Consciousness makes awareness grow and many people report handling the voice better as they become more aware of it. Record it in your journal, meditate while listening to the voice (or voices).
In addition, recognize ‘who’ is talking inside. We internalize the voices of those around us as we grow up, so that what is inside is the voice of a parent, sibling, relative, or some authority figure as a teacher. For example, I have heard people say that they realize that the voice inside that calls them ‘dumb’ came from such and such a teacher.
After becoming conscious of the negative voice and its origins – replace it. When I say ‘replace’ it, I am referring to a reprogramming that you can do inside yourself. For example, I worked with a man who was a perfectionist; he felt that could never do anything good enough. I pointed out that his depression and addiction problems were linked to this voice. When he became conscious of the voice inside him, he recognized that it was his father, who was very judgemental.
The next segment of our therapy consisted of reprogramming a new voice. He was able to create this new voice using the kindly voice of an aunt of his. Thus, when he heard the critical voice inside that created low self-esteem, he answered this voice through the new, kind voice that defended him. In addition, he used the new voice more and more to help him deal with many situations such as job performance, relationships etc. In time, through the build up of consciousness, plus the new voice, he was able to manage his depression and addiction much better.
I want to stress to you that this is not a simplistic method. It takes hard work and time to gradually increase your resources in this area. However, it is valuable work that you will find well worth doing. |
Sept. 15/07 – Journal Keeping – An Excellent Mental Health Resource
Keeping a journal is a very simple, but effective way to help you be in touch with yourself. It is so simple that many people feel it can’t work, that they need a more complex or technical method. However, in my years as a Toronto therapist I have seen that journalling can be an invaluable resource.
Therefore, writing down thoughts, feelings and reflections can increase your ability to better understand yourself. For example, people suffering from anxiety and depression will often experience confusion – they have thoughts and feelings that are contradictory. The same holds true for people who are suffering from addictions – they often report confusing thoughts and feelings ‘whirling’ about inside them. I call this inner ‘whirling about’ a feedback loop.
A feedback loop occurs when you say the same things to yourself over and over. For this reason the depressed person or the alcoholic will keep thinking and doing the same things and rarely see a way out. However, when these people write out their thoughts and feelings, they often report a change in perspective. As one person put it, “When I write out a thought on the page, I literally feel a distance from it, kind of like a third person experience.”
Many people suffering from anxiety often say they feel calmer after writing out their thoughts and feelings as it gives them a chance to put these outside themselves and get a better handle on what goes on inside them.
When I talk to my clients about how to journal I say, “Just do it." Don’t be formal, or think too much about writing perfectly, just quickly write down what’s going on inside. You don’t have make journal keeping a task, just do it from time-to-time and make it a part of your life.
There are many journalling techniques, like having dialogues with people in your life, making lists and timelines. Look for ways of journalling that work best for you. I urge you to try it and see that it can be a wonderful resource for your life.
Some good books about journalling are:
The Creative Journal – Lucia Capacchione
The New Diary – Tristine Rainer |
Aug. 6/07 – Stopping the Addiction is Just One Step in the Healing Process
People with addictions often go through great struggles to overcome their addiction. Many people feel that stopping the addiction, whether it be drug, alcohol, sex or any other substance or behaviour, should be their main focus. While stopping needs to be a focus, it is often unsuccessful if it does not include a holistic approach. The phrase ‘white knuckling’ is often used to describe stopping an addiction without looking at the full picture of the addiction.
For example, someone with an alcohol addiction who stops drinking while failing to take a complete stock of their life, will often return to drinking or go into some other addiction such as workaholism. While less harmful, the new addiction can seriously hurt family life. In addition the person has failed to address the deeper problems that brought on the addiction in the first place.
What is required is an approach that includes all aspects of a person’s life. In therapy I help people look at the roots of their addictions. These roots may include stress, anxiety and depression that people have medicated through the addiction. When people can fully understand these difficult feelings, they can face them without having to use the addiction to escape feelings.
In my work as a Toronto therapist I often hear people who have dealt with their addictions, say that the holistic approach to overcoming the addiction was not only more successful but also helped lead them into a new and more positive direction in life. They fully evaluated all aspects of their lives, emotional, physical and spiritual, and were able to see the areas that needed to be changed.
When you confront your addiction, realize that it is often a symptom of deeper problems. When you take an approach that encompasses every part of your life, you have a far greater chance of healing that addiction in a complete manner. |
July 30/07 – Understanding the ‘Inner Child’
I have heard many people criticize the idea of the inner child. They find it simplistic and new-age sounding. I try to use other phrases, but I find the idea that we all have a child within us is important. This is because we need to tell the difference between adult perception and child perception.
Take for example, a man who comes to me feeling depressed and anxious. In our exploring his childhood, I learn that both his parents spent long periods of time away from home in their jobs, leaving him in the care of relatives. When I say that this fact might be linked to his feelings of depression and anxiety, he replies that his parents ‘loved him very much and had to travel because of their jobs’.
I explain to him that, while this perception may be true, it is only true insofar as his adult understanding goes. It does not take into account his childhood perspective which is quite different. When he is better able to understand the feelings he had as a child, he realizes that he felt abandoned and unloved. As far as his child consciousness understood, he was rejected, and these feelings remained in him and were the roots of his depression and anxiety.
I explain to him that although he is now an adult and understands things better, it doesn’t mean that those first deep feelings aren’t still there. Furthermore, those original feelings are the origins of his depression and anxiety.
This explains why we find that many otherwise mature people can act very childish and are hampered by this split within them. The childlike feelings often most strongly emerge in intimate relationships and this is a big contributor to marriage breakdown.
In order to deal with this ‘inner child’, we need to fully understand our childhood development and the feelings that emerged during this formative period in our lives. Rather than using our adult minds to invalidate our feelings, we can use our adult consciousness to understand and manage these original feelings. |
July 13/07 - The Tyranny of Happiness
A recent edition of the Toronto “Globe and Mail” devoted a section of the paper to the subject of happiness. It pointed out that there is a prevailing attitude today that everybody should be happy all the time. This attitude was called ‘The Tyranny of Happiness’.
Over the years in my work as a Toronto therapist I have found that many of the people who come to me have been victims of this forced happiness. People suffering with depression, stress, and anxiety have told me that people around them rejected them when they attempted to voice their problems. They received such negative feedback as “Stop feeling sorry for yourself” or “Get over it”. It is no wonder that people with emotional problems feel shunned in our society.
The truth of life is that it contains much difficulty and pain. In addition, life can be quite complex and confusing. If we ‘put on a happy face’ and deny these facts we do damage to ourselves and those around us. We do damage to ourselves by turning away from our pain and confusion, instead of facing them and finding a deeper understanding and meaning in our lives. We do damage to others by isolating them in their pain and making them feel unacceptable for having it. One person suffering from years of depression and stress told me he felt like a ‘leper’ because he was shunned by his friends and family for being depressed and anxious.
This rejection can feel even more severe in intimate relationships such as marriage. When one partner is rejected by the other for having problems such as stress, depression or anxiety, his or her sense of being isolated can feel devastating.
All this does not mean that we can’t feel happiness, joy or peace in our lives. However, if we cannot express the fullness of our lives, both positive and negative, then we can become hidden from ourselves and others and incapable of leading a genuinely happy life. |
June 19/07 – Respecting Bereavement and Loss in Our Lives
During our lifetimes we will all suffer losses. These losses may be great, such as the loss of a loved one, or smaller, such as moving to a new community.
In my years as a Toronto therapist, I have observed that most people deal with loss by trying to ignore it or by underestimating it. I have heard people say things like, “Lots of children’s parents die--I got over it.” or “When I miscarried I tried not to think about it.” Society also supports this view, as many people who have suffered losses are given the message by those around them that they should leave their losses behind them and ‘move on’.
I can see, however, that these people have been deeply affected by their loss, even though they claim to ‘have gotten over it’ or ‘moved on’. In many cases, the depression, anxieties, addiction or relationship problems that these people bring to therapy are connected to their losses. I believe that the connection comes from not fully acknowledging the impact that these losses have had on their lives.
WE DEAL WITH LOSS BEST BY FULLY FEELING AND UNDERSTANDING IT. This basic axiom of grieving feels counterintuitive to most people. Nevertheless, when we fully appreciate the emotional impact a loss has had on our lives, it becomes easier to integrate it over time. Talking about our losses with trusted people, taking the time to think and feel about them, talking with others who have had similar losses, are all ways to fully grieve about those people and things we have lost in our lifetimes. |
June 14/07 - Take Charge of Your Mental Health
In the May 2007 issue of Harper’s Magazine there was an article entitled “Manufacturing Depression”. The author, Gary Greenberg, a practicing therapist, volunteered to be a subject in an experiment at a Massachusetts hospital. Greenberg was up front to the doctors about his work and his desire to write an article.
Greenberg was diagnosed with a “Major Depression” in the study even though he has no major problems functioning in his life. He believed that this diagnosis was given because he told the psychiatrist that he had anxieties, felt depressed at times and occasionally had morbid fantasies. Essentially he is a normal neurotic human being living in an uncertain world.
This is not an unusual story. over the years in my work as a Toronto therapist I have heard many similar stories of people who were classified as mentally ill even though they were suffering from normal life problems. Then they were given medication and told what to do by ‘experts’ who they surrendered their autonomy to.
In the same way people come to me and want me to be in charge of their mental health and tell them what to do. I resist this and tell them that no one can know them better than themselves, and that my job is to help them to be more clear in this knowledge.
Today pharmaceutical companies put great pressure on people to take their drugs. They sell disease and tell people with normal problems that they are ‘mentally ill’. Instead we need to be proactive and in charge of our own mental health. We need to research articles related to our problems, talk to others, read differing opinions and question authority. In this way we will be best equipped to deal with any emotional problems that come our way. |
May 29/07 Marriage Requires Work
A survey of many North American married couples revealed that the average couple spends 14 minutes of ‘Quality time’ per week--which they defined as doing something that positively contributed to the marriage.
How many people would keep their jobs if they did only 14 minutes of quality work per week? Yet it is quite normal for couples in ‘committed relationships’ such as traditional or non-traditional marriage to do so little work on their partnership. It is no wonder that there is a high failure rate for marriage today.
Most couples who come to see me immediately take out their appointment books and show me proof that they don’t have time to spend with one another. However, when they begin to feel more comfortable with one another in the counselling they often begin to find more time with one another, as they are feeling more fulfilled in the relationship.
The majority of movies about couples show the beginning period of romance. There is very little in our society that gives people an idea of what work they need to do in order to maintain a relationship. There is much that couples need to learn about how to speak with one another in a nurturing manner, listen to one another, plan with one another or have constructive differences with one another. This is the glue of marriage and must constantly be practiced.
For more information on positive ways of working at a relationship see The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. |
May 17/07-Find Meaning in Your Life
I have noticed over the years that many people who come to me with a variety of mental health issues such as stress, anxiety, depression, addiction and relationship problems often complain about ‘ feeling empty’ inside.
Dr. Victor Frankl, the founder of existential therapy, maintained that lack of meaning is a central factor in the mental health problems that people face today. He believed that one of our central drives as human beings is a “will to meaning,” where we must feel that our life has a purpose.
I have come to agree with Dr. Frankl because in my experience as a Toronto therapist I have witnessed people make dramatic changes by finding meaning in their lives. For instance, I have seen people suffering from addictions –who often complain of feeling empty-move away from their addictions when they discover that their life does have meaning. I have also witnessed depressed people make great improvements when they find that their life does have a purpose.
We are very spiritually oriented beings and we need to know that our lives do make sense and can have some useful purpose no matter how small that may appear. I find that my clients who find a meaning to their lives feel much more connected to life, have greater self-esteem and gain a more clear focus about their sense of identity. They feel less anxiety, stress and confusion. They no longer look for the escape of addictive behaviour or indulge in self-destructive behaviour. They are able to live in greater peace with themselves.
For further information read Man’s Search For Meaning by Victor Frankl. |
May 8/07--Increase Your Inner Resources – Use All of ‘Yourselves’
When people come to me with different problems in their lives, I often see that they have the inner resources to overcome these problems. What they lack is a more complete view of themselves. They do not see their strengths.
I find a very good tool for helping people to expand their awareness of themselves is Psychosynthesis. Psychosynthesis was developed around 100 years ago by an Italian psychiatrist, Robert Assagioli. He maintained that within us we contain many different parts or selves. Our problems arise when we fail to use many of these parts, which could be a wonderful way of getting the help we need.
For example, in my work as a Toronto therapist, I see that many people who come to me with anxiety disorders, are not using all their inner resources. Often they have a part within them that is excellent at dealing with other peoples’ anxiety. When I help them to use this competent part to help their own anxiety, they begin to feel much less anxious. The same holds true with people who have difficulties with stress management. I help them realize that they have certain parts that could better manage their stress, and in this way they begin to have greater strength. The same holds true for people with addictions, relationship problems and depression.
In this way people learn that they have what it takes to lead productive lives once they realize that the person they are looking for to provide them with help is within.
A good beginning resource for learning more about Psychosynthesis is What We May Be by Piero Ferucci. |
April 26/07- Stress Management and Meditation
Most of the people who I see in therapy report having too much stress in their lives. As we all know, the pace of life today is much too fast for our minds and bodies to cope with. In addition, we are assaulted with continuous information, news, products and changes that further overload us. The resulting stress is related to many problems in mental health such as depression, addictions, anxiety and marriage and family difficulties (not to mention many physical problems).
Meditation, however, can be a wonderful stress management technique. It is simple, cheap and portable. When I first speak of it, people feel they can’t do it, that it is some very difficult Eastern technique which will take years to master. In fact, informal meditation can be as easy as sitting in a comfy chair for a few minutes and being aware of your breathing. You can do this longer and add your own enhancements, but basically you are just quietly and calmly being with yourself.
Many people report that they can’t do this, as thoughts and feelings interfere with any sense of peace. Let these thoughts and feelings be. Don’t try to interfere with them, just observe them in the slower manner of meditation. In many cases, thoughts and feelings will dissipate or lose their hold as you become an observer of yourself. The observation of yourself is, in itself, a wonderful help for depression, anxiety and stress because you are able to step back and see your problems in a calmer and more detached manner.
Some of you will want to learn more advanced techniques of meditation; ones that will help you empty your mind and go into a totally still place. Whatever form of meditation you practice, it will have a positive affect on your mental and physical health. |
April 20/07 Dealing With Addictions by Dealing With Feelings
People who have problems with addictions usually have problems dealing with their feelings. The addiction becomes a way of managing feelings and results in the feelings being shut down. As a result they don’t learn how to face their feelings and find ways to manage them.
A man who had a 40 year alcohol addiction said to me, “When I stopped my addiction as a 55 year old man, I realized that I had the emotional development of a 15 year old. I had to grow up pretty fast.”
When addicts begin to learn how to deal with feelings they discover that their addiction covered up stress, anxiety, depression, anger and many other difficult emotions that they never confronted before. This can be a hard time in their process of healing. However, once they have learned the process of managing feelings in a healthy way, they are much less inclined to return to their addiction. |
April 12/07 – Self Care Contributes to Good Mental Health
Many people who come to me are suffering from a variety of life problems; they are having difficulties in their marriage, suffering from depression, experiencing anxiety, feeling stress or exhibiting addictive behaviour. However, most of these people have one thing in common. They are not taking proper care of themselves.
Good self care means common sense ways of taking care of ourselves. It means getting enough sleep, eating sensibly, being moderate in behaviour, spending good social time with family and friends, taking breaks and exercising our bodies. We all know these things, but many people do not practice them.
It is clear that many of my clients’ problems are related to lack of self care. The majority of people, I have seen in my work as a Toronto therapist, who are suffering from stress neglect themselves on a regular basis. The same holds true for those with depression and addictions. We are holistic beings and a breakdown in one area contributes to a breakdown in another area.
An excellent book that describes how a person can take care of his or her self is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. |
April 2/07 – Depression Can Be Helpful
I see many people who suffer from depression. In most cases I find that their depression acts like pain to a wound; it tells them that there are problems that need to be addressed.
These problems are often long standing. They can include marriage and family difficulties, addictions, stress, anxiety, grief, or childhood trauma. Therefore, the work that I will do with these clients focuses on their underlying problems. As people learn how to deal with their problems, they learn that their depression was a symptom of unresolved issues in their life. |
March 30/07 – Social Connection Aids Mental Health
In the past 20 years there has been a great increase in the number of people experiencing stress, depression, anxiety and addictions. A major factor that contributes to this rise is a reduction in the amount of time people are spending with family and friends. A recent article in the “Globe and Mail” newspaper found that, compared to 1986 people are spending 50% less time with friends.
Studies have shown that people who live in societies with strong community and family links show less incidence of stress, depression, marriage breakdown, addictions and anxiety than people in societies that have weak social links.
My experience as a Toronto therapist also bears this out. I see that those who come to me with mental health issues are more isolated. Therefore, an important factor in improving mental health is to make an effort to reach out to positive family members, friends or other positive social connections. |
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