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Adult
Survivors of Childhood Physical, Sexual and Emotional Abuse
Over
the years, in my work as a Toronto therapist, I have helped many adults who experienced abuse as children.
We generally begin therapy by looking at the type of abuse the person
suffered as a child. The kinds of abuse include physical, sexual and emotional abuse.
The
following lists are not neat or comprehensive. Abuse definitions can
vary and certain forms of abuse can overlap.
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What
is Childhood Physical Abuse?
·
Severe physical punishment
· Beating, slapping, hitting or kicking
· Pushing, shaking, throwing
· Pinching, biting, choking or hair-pulling
· Terrorizing with threats
· Observing violence
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What
is Childhood Sexual Abuse?
·
Sexual Acts with A Child - Intercourse, sexual fondling, rape,
oral sex, sodomy
· Child Pornography - Making a child engage in this practice
· Child Prostitution
· Violations of Bodily Privacy - Spying on the child in
the bedroom or bathroom, forcing a child to undress inappropriately
· Exposing a Child to Adult Sexuality - Forced observation
of sexual acts, pornography, dirty jokes
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What
is Childhood Emotional Abuse?
·
Ignoring - Withdrawal of attention, rejection, neglect
· Yelling or screaming
· Belittling - Telling a child that he or she is "worthless",
"no good", "bad" or a "mistake"
· Shaming - Humiliating or name-calling
· Habitual Blaming
· Using extreme forms of punishment - Confining to a closet,
tying to a chair, etc.
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Effects
of Abuse
Childhood
abuse can have severe effects on the present day life of adults. Some
of these are:
1.
Constant fear and anxiety. The world feels like a dangerous place
2.
A lack of self-esteem
3.
Addictions
4.
Depression
5.
Difficulty with relationships, especially close ones
6.
Problems with normal day-to-day functioning
7.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
8.
Employment Problems
9.
Physical impairments, insomnia, eating disorders, gastrointestinal disorders
10.
Strong feelings of anger and shame - people feel the abuse was their
fault
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Evaluation
of Childhood Abuse
The evaluation
of childhood abuse is based on certain factors. Some of these are:
·
The Recognition of Abuse - Many people do not regard what happened to
them as abuse. For them it was normal. For example a woman said to me
that her father threw her down the stairs ' from time-to-time'. However,
she did not consider this as abuse as, 'he was mostly okay' and 'these
kind of things happen in families'.
·
The Age when the Abuse Began -Generally, the younger the age the greater
the effect of the abuse
·
Relationship of the Abuser - The closer the relationship (mother, father),
the greater the effect of the abuse
·
The Severity of the Abuse- Whether there were different types of abuse
and if physical force was used
·
The Number of Times the Abuse Occurred - The more often a person was
abused can also relate to the severity of his or her symptoms
·
Support or Lack of Support - People who were given support at the time
of the abuse suffer fewer effects. Those who received little or no support
show greater effects
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My
Therapy Model
I
have certain practices that have come from my years of experience, training
and study of the research into childhood abuse.
Looking
at the Unique Person - No two people are alike, and I gear my treatment
model to the particular needs and resources of the individual.
Going
Slowly - I usually go quite slowly with people who suffered abuse.
Trust is necessary and going too quickly can make people feel revictimized.
Using
the Person's Strengths - During therapy I work together with a
person see their strengths and develop them. It is these strengths that
enable a person to recover from abuse
Telling
the Story/Breaking the Silence - Again, I go slowly and encourage
the person gradually to tell their story. Another part of this involves
helping a person deal with the feelings that come up when they tell
their story.
Linking
the Present to the Past - I help a person understand how her or
his past has affected their present life.
Developing
New Coping Skills - Victims of abuse often find coping with life
difficult. I help them develop new coping skills.
Teaching
Calming Methods - Abuse victims suffer great anxiety. It is important
to help them learn relaxation and calming methods. I teach them mindfulness
and other self-awareness methods that promote calming.
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You
Can Recover From Childhood Abuse
In
my therapy practice I have seen that people are capable of overcoming
the effects of abuse and leading happy and productive lives. I believe
that this recovery is possible because:
1.
Due to the past 20 years of research and therapy on childhood abuse,
there is extensive information that can support a person in his or her
recovery.
2.
Society is more accepting of abuse and victims do not have to hide or
be alone.
3.
People in recovery can realize that they are adults - even though the
abuse can make them feel like children. As adults they have the resources,
strength and intelligence to overcome this child based wound within
them.
My
experience and research have shown me that there are many people who
have suffered childhood abuse. For a variety of reasons such as shame,
depression, despair or resignation, very few people seek help for this
abuse. If you are one of these people, please consider that a better
way of life is possible. Childhood Abuse doesn't have to last for a
lifetime
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